you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
