I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
