I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
