so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
