do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
