I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you had me at cake vodka
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
