I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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