i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
