i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
