community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
