does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm getting married
To pizza
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
