brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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