I'm jealous of your bromance
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
