elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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