she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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