two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
