"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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