I smell stomach acid.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
