A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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