I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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