Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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