I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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