it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
