did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
