don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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