Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
