We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
