I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
