So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
