I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
