So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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