there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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