Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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