i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
