i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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