I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
