I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
