If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
