I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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