he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
