You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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