Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
