Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
