Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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