I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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