Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
