If that was your dad, he is hot
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
