it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Randomize
