I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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