Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
