My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
