so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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