the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
