I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
