he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
