they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
