D3 body, D1 cock
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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