i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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