It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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