From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
