I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
