We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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