from now on my penis is your penis
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
