If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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