I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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